Keeping It In Perspective
Sometimes, I get so involved in what I'm doing that I lose perspective of the world around me. Usually, this directly corresponds with fatigue on my part. The more exhausted I am, the easier it is for me to lose perspective. And then other bad things happen. Like I yell at my kids. I make snap judgments. I feel a strong urge to hit my husband over the head with a frying pan.
What causes me to feel this way? Here's the current rundown:
I work 3 days a week at my "regular" job. This week, at this job, I visited 11 schools. Considering I had Monday off, and only worked 2 days, that's kind of impressive. Next week, in my 3 days, I will visit 15 locations. 16, if you include going in on a day off to attend a meeting. This, in and of itself is exhausting. Then add the fact that I'm constantly moving and demonstrating exercises. My job seems to be sapping all the life out of me this year.
Plus I have a second job, which I work one to two Saturday mornings each month. Last Saturday was my day. Not terribly strenuous, but still, it sucks having to go to work on a Saturday morning.
We are putting in a stone entranceway to the front of the house. My day off on Monday was spent helping move pavers. They weren't too heavy, but the repetition made for some very sore muscles the next few days.
The inside of my house is a disaster area. It is in desperate need of picking up and a thorough cleaning. Not exaggerating, it would probably take me 5-6 hours to pick up enough to be able to clean thoroughly. The dishes are never ending, and the clutter appears to multiply while we sleep. When I do manage to get something cleaned up, my children attack that area with a determination like no other.
Despite the fact that my children are 4 and 7, I still have to get up at least one time each night with one or the other. They have the uncanny ability to sense the moment that I finally fall asleep, and after sleeping for approximately 60 seconds, someone begins calling for me. Last night, they were both up. Pat can snore right through it.
In the middle of the night, when the house is finally quiet, my mind suddenly becomes active, an I wake up with a mind whirling with all the things I need to do. Being awake from 4-5 am does not usually help my state of mind the next day.
My son is having some trouble attending to task, and I'm worried we're heading down the road to ADD.
Every night, in addition to the never ending fight to read, practice math facts and do homework, one kid or another has something to do. We are constantly running here and there. I can barely get food on the table for the family.
So, after finally snapping, yelling at my mother, venting to my friend, eating a cannoli and finally blowing up at my kids, I was finally able to see my lack of perspective.
I have two great kids.
I have a great house. It may not be clean for the next 14 years, but its a home to my kids. When I admitted to a fellow pre-school mom today that we don't have playdates because of the state of the house, she just said, "Oh, come on. My house looks like a bomb went off and then a tornado struck." Somehow, it made me feel better. (Thanks Michelle)
I have a job that, although tremendously stressful and hectic, is fulfilling. I know that I am making a difference.
If my son does have ADD, we'll deal with it. I have a good resource network. (Thanks Margaret) We're on top of this early and can address things early. Maybe he's just a seven year-old, and they're not meant to focus.
I have a best friend who listens to me whining and offers words of encouragement. And has come up with a legal defense if I should hit Pat over the head with a frying pan. And she not only doesn't judge me eating a canoli, she goes with me to get a creme puff. (Thanks Michele)
I know that I am so lucky. Several of the other blogs I follow are by parents with children with health issues. One of those children has spent a week in the ICU, with a good possibility of not leaving. Her parents are remarkable. (Keep getting better Moriah!)
Another blog I follow is by my cousin and his wife and their 8 month old who was born with a significant heart defect. She was in open heart surgery by the time she was 18 hours old. She is such a little trooper, as are her parents too (Way to go Tommy and Meghan!).
As previously mentioned, I was inspired to blog by my college roommate who has a 2 1/2 year old and 6 month old triplets. 'Nuff said. (Still in awe Jess).
So, I'm gonna quit whining and bitching. I'm gonna try and be a little more glass half full. I'm gonna take the time to enjoy my kids and husband and house and friends.
And thank God for what a good life I have.